（不斷更新）笑/笑話（來自電郵）

笑  話（八 十）

This neighbour is an idiot
(from email)

鄰居是個白痴
（中文譯文：溫曼瑛）

A man received a phone message from his former neighbour who have moved away to another home a couple of days earlier.

一位男士收到了電話留言，是已經搬走了幾天的舊鄰居發來的。

"I am so sorry to tell you that I have been using your wife when I was your next door neighbor for the past 5 months, days and nights, when you were not at home. I am telling you this now because I have never felt so guilty in my life. Please forgive me."

“我很抱歉告訴你，在我做你隔壁的鄰居的過去5個月裏，不管是白天還是夜晚，只要你不在家的時候，我都在用你的wife（妻子）。之所以告訴你這件事是因爲我這輩子未曾有過的犯罪感。請原諒我。”

The man was so upset and angered by what he was informed that he went home to whack his wife and divorced her.

男士知情後非常傷心憤怒，他回到家把妻子痛打一頓，和她離婚。

A few days later, he received another phone message from his former neighbour.
"Sorry again sir, I have wrongly spelt. It is your wifi, not your wife."

幾天後，他接到他從前的鄰居的一個手機短信。
“ 再一次對不起，先生，我拼錯字了。是你的 WiFi（無線上網），不是你的 wife（妻子）。”

Moral of the story is: Don't trust auto-correct. Always proof read your text messages.

故事的寓意: 不要輕易相信“自動更正”。每次都要親自細讀驗證自己的短信正文。

笑  話（八 十 一）

HUSBANDS FOR SALE
(來自山青)

待售丈夫
（中文譯文：溫曼瑛）

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

一個賣新丈夫的商店在墨爾本開張了， 任何一位婦女都可前往選擇丈夫。入口處有塊指示牌詳述商店如何運作：

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

你可以拜訪這家商店，是一次性的！有六層樓，產品隨著樓層的升級而增值。顧客可以在特定的樓層任選項目，也可以選擇上另外一層，但是你不能走回頭路除非你離開大廈！

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

話說有個女人去商店尋找丈夫。在一樓門上的指示牌寫著：

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

1楼：这些男人有工作
指示牌頗為吸引，但她繼續上第二層，那裏的牌子上寫著：

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

2樓：這些男人有工作，愛孩子。
“很好，”她想，“但是我想要更多。”
為此她繼續上樓。第三層的門上寫著：

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

3樓：這些男人有工作，愛孩子，而且長相非常好。
“哇，”她想，可是身不由己登到上面一層。
她走到第四層，牌子上寫著：

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

4樓：這些男人有工作，愛孩子，帥呆了，幫忙做家務。
“哦，我的天！”她驚叫，“我真受不了！”
她仍舊上到第五層樓，牌子上寫著：

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

5樓：這些男人有工作，愛孩子，華美無比，幫忙做家務，並富強烈浪漫個性特徵。
極大的誘惑要她留下來，但她登上第六層樓，那裏的牌子上寫著：

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

6樓：你是本層樓第31,456,012訪客。此樓沒有男人。這層樓純粹為了證明取悅女人是不可能的。感謝您光臨丈夫商店。

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

請注意：
爲了防止性別偏見，店主在街對面開了一個新老婆店。

The first floor has wives that love *s*e*x.*

一樓的女人喜歡性慾。

The second floor has wives that love *s*e*x* and have money and like beer.

二樓的女人喜歡性慾，有錢還喜歡啤酒。

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

第三，第四，第五和第六層還沒有人光顧過。

wmy: 故事給予的啟示：女人都「貪得無厭」、「永不滿足」、「不易討好」、「難以對付」……

男人重視性慾，有錢有酒就心滿意足了，要求「不高」，「容易對付」，很「簡單」。

各位，是應該這樣理解嗎？